Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize