i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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