So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
