it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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