his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize