So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
someone owes me an orgasm
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
