Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
