Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
