Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
