Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
