Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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