I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
