I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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