So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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