imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
