Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
