Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
