why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
