I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
