Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
