At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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