btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
