needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
