Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
