So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
