He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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