dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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