I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need moral support for this bender
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
