I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
