I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
