Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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