Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
