How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
