I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
