Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
did you just send me my own nude
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
