I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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