Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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