Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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