Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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