u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
