God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
