best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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