Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
