Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
