I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize