Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
