Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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