He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
