she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
