hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
