its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
