the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
