who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
