id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
