So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His hands were made for my vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
