The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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