Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
