Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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