There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
