I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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