I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
