shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
