I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
