Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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