i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
