Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I believe in your delicious
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
