I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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