He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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