i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
