i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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