I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
