he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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