So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
