Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
