I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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