I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
