You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
