Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize