And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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