We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Are my feet made of real feet?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
