Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
