Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
