I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Vodka?
Forever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
