Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize