therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
