just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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