I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
