A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
