is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
