CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
