You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize