dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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