I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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