My liver just broke up with me...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize