Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
