Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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