the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
