last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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