At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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