So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
