I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
