I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize