eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
