Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
