"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
