i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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