i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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