So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
