I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
