i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
