You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
