I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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