I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
