the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
