1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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