Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
