hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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